Huh... Oh... I'm sorry.
I... I guess it was too much for me. I sorta blanked out yesterday. After Doctor (FAKE) Henry talked to me... a day ago(?), I guess I just sorta shut down. Too much. I spent the next day in a numb daze. Seeing nothing. Being nowhere. Just sitting in this damn little room. Hearing the periodic clip and click of this damn machine next to the bed. The quiet punctuated by the occasional shuffle of the guards beyond the door.
Anna came in a few times, but I couldn't muster the energy to look at her. I kept expecting her face to twist and distort. Become something I never knew. But that's not too far off right?
Or what if she smiled and told me it's true. That she really injected Monica with infected blood. And she really strangled Monica and shot at Colin that night. All the while laughing that sick laugh I heard when she was confronted by Colin.
And then she opened her uniform, slowly and sultry, and revealed the bullet holes. Blood trickling from the largest hole over her heart.
She was never who I thought she was. And worse yet, she was never even real. And that really gets me. I spent a good part of yesterday dwelling on just that. I never knew a person who wasn't real. Christ...
'Anna's' job appears to be the routinely change and administration of my IV dose. Once a day, she also takes a small amount of blood, for whatever reason.
But she clocks out at night. At night, another nurse comes - and imagine my surprise when I caught sight of this one. Her name's Elissa Rodger. That's pinned happily on her front. She's a nurse, like Anna (HAH), and I know her from my delusions too. She's the mother of the family we found butchered on the school's roof after the dog's visit, the night after Hector turned.
She entered blithely, smiled at me warmly, but just like Anna, she seemed strangely acute while near me.
I guess I can see why.
Then morning came today, and with it Anna. I happened to catch sight of the guards near the door as she entered and a thought struck me. After all, if Anna, Henry, and Elissa had been in my delusion, what about them?
"Are they named Sean and Hector?"
It was out of my mouth before I could think about it. And as soon as it was out, I realized how stupid I sounded. Suddenly asking such a weird sounding question. What would she make of it, as a medical professional? Would she think I was rambling gibberish? Falling back into delusions?
Ugh... Immediately, I wanted to clear up any misunderstandings. But as I turned to face her, her expression caught me off guard: dumbfounded.
"The... guards at the door? Yes. Yes, I've asked their names. Sean and Hector. How did you know?"
Doctor Henry appeared at midday. As he had the first I'd awoken here. He hadn't appeared yesterday, but I figure that probably had more to do with my mental state then. With the same genial smile he had then (FAKE), he asked me if there was anything I'd like to report. Any medical questions I might have.
I told him no, not because that was the honest answer, but because I didn't want to see him. I wanted him to go away and stay away. His face... the resemblance... it honestly sickened me.
But Henry, with the same stupid smile that never touched his eyes, simply looked down at the little clipboard he carried, and noted that I'd been running a tiny fever, and I had been coughing more than usual. Then, with the tone of a teacher scolding a brat, he asked me why I hadn't mentioned that.
Fucking machines. I told him I hadn't really noticed. He nodded, crossed something off on his list and then asked about the question I'd asked Anna earlier. About how I'd known the guards names were Sean and Hector.
Just a hunch, I'd told him. More spite than tease in my voice. But his features sharpened and he dropped the friendly (FAKE) smile for a few moments. His eyes burning with something like condensed disgust.
But as soon as I spotted it, it was gone. The doctor told me to rest. Tomorrow they would try another dose of the fluid running nonstop into my arm. He warned me that it would be best if I was rell-rested then.
And then he left.
I really am running a fever. As soon as he left the room, I dropped the tough guys act and sort of crumpled. My chest sorta burned with every breath and I was sweating more than usual. I buried my face in the pillows, not much else I could do, and tried to sleep.
The pillow's tag stuck out near the end of the pillowcase. Fully within my view then. But instead of washing or drying instructions, the little tag was scrawled with a familiar word: useLESS.