Wednesday, August 12, 2009

#0055 | 08/12 | 03:57 AM ~ Tripping

Dawn would arrive soon. Within a few hours span, the night would recede, and all the horrible creatures of the night would go back to their creepy little corners. Or attics. Or basements. And sleep.

For another day.

I groaned. And winced. And I'm pretty sure I pissed myself a little. Just a little. Maybe.

I wasn't doped up, this particular moment. Anna was asleep, lugged out against the room's wall. The one with the secret one-way mirror, which had never been much of a secret to begin with.

And Anna, bless her benevolence (She who brings thee happy pill, and I shall pop), hadn't awoken from an afternoon nap she had laid down for. She had been too tired. Too pooped.

Ha ha... poop.

I let her rest, she deserved the respite after all. Who was I to try and jar her from her dreams, to awaken her to the maddening sound of a giant fat cat rolling around downstairs.

The pills were within arm's reach, two nice white little bottles full of Oxycodone, sitting innocently on a tray beside my bed. Fuck yeah, I was freaking set.


Only a few hours ago, as I held one of those beautiful bottles in my grasp, getting ready to pop the lid and down four of those bad boys, a paralyzing fear overtook me. Had I still been buzzed, it never would have happened. heck, if had tried to take the pill even two minutes earlier, I would have swallowed them without remorse (being sure to chew them open - to release the good stuff).

But I sat there in the early evening. Anna's soft snores reaching me. The Freak-Cat downstairs beginning to make its rounds. And a certainty overtook my need to get fucked up. And that certainty was this: Alex, Alex, Alex, no. If you take those pills, you'll never get that fucking monkey off your back. You don't see it yet, but how could you? That little motherfucker's already there, and he's covering up your eyes with his feet, and he's taking a huge shit all over your shoulders. Take those pills, and he wont just be hanging on to you, HE'LL FUCKING DIG HIS CLAWS INTO YOUR EYES AND NEVAAAR LET GO!

And for a moment I could see it. There was this white demonic monkey on my back, his brown tail wrapped around my neck like a noose, and his cries sounded like a Freak's.



I tried to put the bottle away. Tried and failed. I wanted those pills. Needed them. They fucking made everything all better. No. Better than better. The pills made me fade until I didn't have to think about the fucked up reality. And that's what i really wanted.

To fade motherfucker, fade.

And that monkey was there. I couldn't toss the pills. Shit.

So I compromised. I simply held the pills. I didn't take them, and I didn't toss them. I just clutched them in my hand, like some perverse talisman designed to push away the night.

And for the first hour, things were fine. Hey, I couldn't sleep but at least I wasn't mindlessly popping pill after pill until I overdosed. Because that's what would have happened, I realized then. I wouldn't have just taken four pills. I would have taken four, and then chugged down the rest a few minutes later. Two bottles full worth. And chewed those bastards, to get the fastest effect.

And I don't know if that would have killed me or not, but I think it would have. And Anna would wake up to find a still and stiff body lying in the bed the next morning. About as cold and dead as you can get.


And after the first hour, the pain came back. And fuck, maybe I'd been too high to remember is right, but that shit hit me like a bitch.

It started with a throbbing pain down my side. And that shit drummed and drummed. And spread and spread. Like a wildfire, it galloped up and down my side, spreading the word of raw nerve endings like a devout Mormon spreads their bible.

About the time the wave of pain started licking in chest, my ribs, the headache started. And as if I didn't have enough problems already, that little intrepid tap dancer turned into a full rage jackhammer within the hour. Tumbling and smashing the frail little thing in my skull, until I was near tears.

At one moment I blinked and there was my hand, reaching toward my face, a pale little pill held between two shaking fingers, trying to deposit it in my mouth.

And my jaw was hanging wide open to receive this little Holy Spirit!

I snapped my mouth closed and tossed the pill away, toward a far wall. It hit with a little tick and bounced down quietly to the floor. I tried to toss the rest of the pills but I found I still couldn't do that. The monkey was still here, that lone pill was a fluke, and it would take more willpower than I had to toss the two bottles in a similar fashion.

So again, I compromised. I lifted my aching side and stuffed the two bottles in between my sheets and my self. Laying on them, they were left out of reach, unless I ventured to get myself up, and that wouldn't happen.
Let's have no more accidents, ya' hear?

And that fucking monkey saw all this was the most livid expression you'd ever hope to see on an ape. It screeched wildly and jumped up and down, its efforts sending the spreading ache from my wounds racing.

I twisted in the bed and listened to the night. To the distractions that would get me past my hour of need. And what I heard wasn't exactly reassuring, but it was a distraction nonetheless. Something to focus on outside the hell that was now my body.

And that something was the cat. It was meowing loudly, purring and spiting into the quiet of the night, and before I had enough time to question this, I knew why.

A feral scream. A Human-Freak, had entered the building. I turned down, toward the north, where I think it was situated. It was hard to be sure. The echo made it difficult. But soon a series of thuds made me think I was right. The Freak was inside, and it was moving.

Anna shuffled uneasily in her sleep at the sound of the scream, but surprise, surprise, she did not awaken. She must have been more weary than I'd believed. Regardless, she missed the show. Or missed hearing the show, as it is.

The moment the Human-Freak screamed, the Cat doubled its efforts at making noises. It screeched, meowed, and even started banging something. Each noise sending a dull echo across the building halls. And the Human-Freak picked up indeed, because the next moment, all you could hear were the dull thuds of it speeding down hall after hall. After its meal.

But who was to be the meal tonight? Well after a few tense moments when all I could hear was the Human's running steps and the Cat's impassioned calls for attention, silence held. And in those few moments of silence, I found the pain which had recently been tormenting me, so ignorable, it was almost funny.

Or would have been, if not for the deadliness of the situation and all.

The Human screamed the feral inhuman scream. Then there was an enormous slam, the walls of the building themselves shook, and dust toppled from cracks. Then silence. And a few minutes later, the slow and steady movement of the Cat, heading back to its nest. probably carrying its new meal with it.

Damn. I'd never seen it, or want to, but to see that Cat hunt must really be something else.

And that left me alone with my thoughts again. Thoughts and pains which suddenly seemed entirely manageable. I eased back unto the bed. I found my body had broken into a cold sweat, and goosebumps were riding me up and down. But it wasn't so bad. Sure, it was bound to get worse, but dawn would arrive soon an

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